Chapter Five: Claryn

I leaned back in my chair, putting my feet on my desk. The phone rang a few times, and then she picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Claryn, it's Sebastian. How's Gwen?" I looked up at my walls, blank except for a single picture of me, Jefferson, Claryn, Gwen, and Dracen, which I had only put it up after J left. His arms were around Gwen, her arms around Claryn, and I was standing next to J, laughing my head off. Dracen stood next to Claryn, smiling, with his hands in his pockets.
"Hey, Sebastian. She's ok now, I guess."
"Everything's fine? Are you sure?"
"Yeah. She didn't break anything, just kind of went into shock. We cleaned her up as much as we could, but now all there's left to do is wait. She's still out cold. But she's breathing."
"Is there any head trauma?"
"Head trauma?"
"Well that gash on her head looked bad, so she must have hit her head pretty hard..."
"Oh, of course..."
"And sometimes when you hit your head it can cause dementia or other kinds of brain damage..."
"Oh, I hope not! That would crush me. Yeah, I could never..." I heard her voice crack, and I pushed my feet off the desk, sitting up straight, wanting to be there to comfort her. "ugh, I can't even imagine. Brain damage would be so..."
"Claryn?" I said, concern rising into my voice. "Are you ok? Is there someone else there with you?"
"It's just me in here now. Her mom and I..."
"Claryn, do you need me to come there?"
Silence. I stood up, grabbing my coat. I didn't want her to be alone in a hospital with her best friend possibly dying. Her and Gwen her best friends, and if something happened, and no one was there to comfort her...
I pulled on my coat, still holding the phone to my ear. "Claryn?"
"I have to get her. The doctor could be back any minute."
"Claryn, can you see if anyone else is coming to see her? And what the doctors say about the chances head trauma?"
"Sure, I'll go check."
She hung up, and I put the phone in my pocket. I ran my hands through my hair, messing it up more than it already was, and grabbed the keys.
"Chelsea, I'm going out!" I yelled up at her. I didn't wait for an answer. She'd be fine. Mom would be home in an hour or so.
     I walked out of the house, closing the door gently. I sat down on the front steps, the wind stinging my face and making me shiver. Claryn obviously didn't want me there, who knows why, but I wanted to be there for her. I didn't think it was safe to leave her there alone.
     I sat there for a few more minutes, then made up my mind and started walking to the hospital. For the first time in weeks, the walk out of the neighborhood didn't reek of the lack of Jefferson. Now all I could think about is Gwen and Claryn. I crossed the street, heading into the busier streets. A few people walked behind me, but I didn't pay them any attention. I needed to get to Claryn, as fast as possible. I pushed my way through the crowds of people on the sidewalks, ignored the music and lights pouring from the shops, looking in anticipation at each street sign, hurrying to the hospital.
     I turned into a dark back alley, taking a short cut to the hospital, that I heard the footsteps behind me. I ignored them, focused on getting to Claryn. But the footsteps started to grow louder and louder, getting closer to me. I turned my head, looking over my shoulder. A man, tall and muscular, hands in his pockets, wearing a trench coat. I looked ahead and started to walk faster, a million thoughts going through my head, my pulse pounding in my head. It's nothing, I tried to reassure myself. Just get to Claryn. 
     I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned around, looking into the eyes of the man. His eyes were black and endless, like staring into space, and I felt my heart skip a beat. "Can I help you?" I said, keeping my voice even. The man snarled.
"Are you Sebastian Price?"
I forced myself to smile. "I am. Do you have an appointment?"
The man roared and threw me into the wall across the alley, knocking the wind out of me. I crumpled the ground, my ribs and back screaming in white hot pain. I put a hand to my side, gritting my teeth in pain. I looked up at him, standing over me, panting in rage."I'm going to take that as a no," I chocked out. "I'm sorry, sir, we don't accept walk ins." He grabbed the front of my shirt and pinned me against the wall, his huge forearm against my neck, allowing just enough air in my lungs to stay conscious. I scratched at his arm and kicked against the walls, but it was futile. I swallowed the fear rising in my throat,
"She has risen. She must be stopped." He growled at me.
"That sounds like a personal issue," I said. He dropped me on the ground, and I gasped for breath. White spots danced across my vision. WHY, SEBASTIAN? WHY? WHY ARE YOU SO SARCASTIC WHEN YOU ARE SCARED? SHUT UP. I screamed at myself. I pushed myself off the ground, and sat up, looking at the man.
"Where is Felicity Price?" He demanded. I shook my head. "Where IS SHE?"
Don't do it. Don't make another remark. Just shut up. 
     My hair hung in my eyes, my ribs might have been broken, and I was panting, not able to properly force air into my lungs. He could kill me right now. And I knew he could kill me.
     "What do you think I am, an address book?" I groaned at the pain shooting through my spine. "You must be a lot dumber than you look." The man took a step forward and I braced myself for the final blow, looking at him right in the eyes. His fist came down, almost in slow motion, and right before he hit me, I felt a jolt through my spine. He was suddenly knocked back  into the wall behind him by an invisible force. He got up and looked at me, angrier than ever now, even though there was no way I had done that. He took a few steps toward me, and I felt another jolt, as if I was being shocked, making me sit up straight. I looked at my hands, which were suddenly filled with something, an invisible ball of energy that rippled and moved in my hands. I looked back at the man. Fear filled his face, looking unwelcome on his features. I moved my hands up, somehow knowing what to do, as if it was something I had done a thousand times. The man started to hover in the air, and when I yanked my hands down, he crashed into the pavement.
     I stood up, walking over to him, standing over him. My heart was pounding. "Who is Felicity Price?" I demanded. "Who has risen? Who are you? What do you want from me?" He shook his head. "You'll know soon enough." I glared at him, raising my hands again, but in a flash of light, he disappeared, leaving a small crater in the pavement.
     I lowered my hands and looked around, at the small dents in the walls and the pavement, and then I looked at my hands, trembling, and fell onto my knees. I was exhausted. And I was terrified. And I was very, very confused. I sat there for a minute, trying to catch my breath. What the heck was that? Where did the air powers come from? Who was that man?
     I don't know if it was my imagination, or if somewhere, someone was playing music. But I heard the song Air Catcher- one of J's favorites, playing softly somewhere behind me.

I don't fall slow like I used to
I fall straight down
You've stolen my air catcher
That kept me safe and sound
I won't fall in
Love with falling
I will try to avoid
Those eyes
I was doing fine on my own
And there wasn't much I lacked
But you've stolen my air catcher
And I don't know if I want it back
'Cause I'm not sure
I want to give you
Tools that can destroy
My heart
And I just don't say
What you want to hear
So I'll write my fears
And I don't believe
In talking just to breathe
And falling selfishly

     I got up, wincing at the pain in my ribs, and started limping toward the hospital. I still needed to make it to Claryn. Maybe she was in trouble, too; or maybe she would know what was going on. I hobbled through the alleys, making my way to the major streets. I turned a corner and was plowed over by someone running. I shook my head, trying to see who it was. All I could hear was a girl mumbling "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," Over and over again. I propped myself up and looked at the girl who had run into me. 
     "Claryn?" I asked. I couldn't see her face, but the red hair was unmistakable. She stopped mumbling and looked up at me. 
"Sebastian?" I nodded, feeling a slight warmth crawling into my cheeks. "What are you doing here?" She asked. 
"I came to see you and check on Gwen." I replied, standing up and offering her my hand. "What are you doing here?"
     She took my hand and I pulled her up onto her feet, staring into her bright blue eyes, eyes the color of the morning sky. Eyes full of worry. "Is everything ok?" I asked. She shook her head. 
"Gwen ran out of the hospital. She has some kind of dementia- they think it's Alzheimer's- and she's gone. I came to look for her." Her eyes filled with unformed tears threatening to spill, and I could feel her hands shaking. I put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Claryn," I said softly. "I'll help you find her. It'll be ok." Claryn nodded, but I could tell the comfort didn't mean much to her. I put my hands in my pockets, concern, worry, and embarrassment flooding my brain, but I didn't do anything. Claryn hardly knew who I was- a friend of a friend, and anyway, she liked Dracen. She didn't want my help.
     Claryn turned around, walking quickly, and I walked beside her. We didn't say anything, though I had a million ideas of what to say. The silence was almost painful, but I knew it was what she wanted. I tried to push the attack out of my head. It was just a weird hallucination. Focus on Claryn. 
      We walked through the whole town, asking people if they had seen her, going into every store, texted her a million times, and searched again. It was almost eight when Mrs. James texted Claryn. 

Got Gwen. She's fine. 

     It seemed more out of duty and not out of concern, and the four words made me instantly resent Mrs. James. I knew she and Claryn had had some issues, but I thought she might at least pretend to care for Gwen's sake, or out of respect for Claryn, who had just spent the whole afternoon searching for Gwen. It was dark, and it was cold, and we were tired. She sat down on the steps of the library, which reeked with lack of Jefferson, but I sat down next to her and tried to ignore the pain in my heart and my ribs. 
     "Sebastian, have you ever had something weird and almost inexpiable happen to you?" She asked, sounding frustrated and defeated. I thought about Jefferson's disappearance, Gwen's accident, and the incident earlier today with the man who was looking for Felicity Price. My life seemed riddled with weird inexplicable events recently. 
"Yeah, I suppose. Why? What's happened to you?" Claryn looked up at me with those big, bright blue eyes, and sighed. 
     "Today at the hospital, when Gwen woke up, she looked as if she had never seen me in her whole life. And then, she shot a ball of purple lighting at me and I passed out." I raised my eyebrows in suprise. She looked away. "I know. It sounds impossible. The doctors told me it was a hallucination caused by stress." I looked at her, studying every inch of her face, memorizing every curve, every flush of color, every eyelash. If Gwen had this- this whatever it is too- Gwen might be in danger, and so might Claryn. 
      "Are you ok?" I asked her. "That lighting must have hurt." She looked at me angrily. 
"Sure, Sebastian. Make fun of me." I shook my head. 
"No, I believe you. I swear." I put all the sincerity I could into my voice, which wasn't easy, since most of my life I had only dealt in jokes and lies. But she seemed to believe me.
 "You don't think I'm crazy?" I shook my head.
 "I think we're all a bit mad. But I also think you are telling the truth. I don't think it was a hallucination." I didn't tell her a similar thing had happened to me today. I still wasn't sure what to make of that. Relief shone through her features. 
"What's going on, Sebastian? How did this happen?" 
"I don't know. I've been asking myself that a lot, and I still don't have an answer. I'm sorry."
     She looked down at her phone, checking the time and sighed. "I have to go. See you later." She stood up, and I quickly clammered to my feet.
"I could, uh, walk you home." I said. She raised her eyebrows in question. "Well, it's late." I started to ramble. "It's dark. Something could happen to you." She smiled. 
"I think I'm ok."
I swallowed. The man could still be out there. I was worried about her, and like it or not, she needed my help. "But how do you know? You could get mugged. Attacked. or- or kidnapped by a dragon." 
She laughed. "A dragon? Wouldn't I need a knight to protect me in that case?" 
I grinned, feeling her warming up to me. I bowed. "At your service, milady." 
"I said a knight, not a squire." She replied. 
"They were all eaten by the dragon." I replied, not offended. I could see the light dancing across her eyes- the first time I had seen it in a few weeks. 
"Well, then, what chance do you have?" She asked, starting to walk in the direction of home. I ran in front of her, causing her to stop in her tracks. I knelt on one knee and bowed my head.
"My lady, I may not be a knight, but I will gladly get eaten in order to save you." I stood up and winked at her. "Besides, they say you don't need to be able to outrun a dragon, just be able to outrun your companion." She laughed, and we started to walk together. 
"Isn't that for bears?" She said skeptically. 
I shrugged. "Bears, dragons, what's the difference? Either way, I don't like my chances in a footrace against you." 
She laughed- a real, genuine laugh, and it sounded like bells. I grinned, glad I could help erase today's crazy events from her mind. We walked into her neighborhood, and she stopped in front of her house. 
"Thank you, my gallant squire, for protecting me from dragon attacks." 
I bowed. "My pleasure, Your highness."
She smiled. "Bye, Sebastian." She opened the door and stepped in. 
"Night, Claryn." I replied. And she shut the door, still smiling. 
My grin widened, and I had to use all my energy to stop me from yelling in joy. I might actually have a chance with Claryn. My only regret was that I couldn't tell Jefferson about it.
     I started walking home, hoping that when I woke up the next morning things would start making sense. 
------------------------------------------
Squichy Mushins- Thanks for reading!
Maddie- dont mess this up

Chapter Four: Shattered Glass

"I had no idea! How could I ever know this would happen?"

"Of course you would! She likes you more than she likes me!"

"That has nothing to do with accidents like this, it's totally unplanned. It's not like she did it on purpose!"

"Why weren't you THERE? Why did it have to be her!"

"Excuse me? I'm the one who cared enough to BRING her here! I'm just as upset-"

"NO! Don't you dare claim to be as upset as I am, you wouldn't have brought her here if it weren't for that boy. Next time you won't even be around to help."

"Oh, like you've always been there! At least we know I'll still be alive, okay?

"I couldn't care less if you're alive, or that Jeff kid! I need her alive. Get out!"

"No, I'm not leaving!"

"Then I am, I can't stand you!"

That's what I woke up to. I couldn't fully awake though, my eyes sealed themselves shut and I sat there, listening to Claryn and my mother, whisper furiously back and forth until finally my mother's footsteps grew fainter and fainter until gone. I wanted to say something, but I just couldn't move. I wasn't in my car anymore....I had been in a crash! Well I wasn't dead, but...

Had I killed someone else?

For a minute, my lungs and heart stopped working too, but I was okay when I heard a phone ring. Claryn must have picked it up.

"Hello?....Hey Sebastian, she's okay now. I guess....yeah. She didn't break anything, just kind of went into shock. We cleaned her up as much as we could, but now all there's left to do is wait. She's still out cold. But she's breathing......head trauma? Oh, of course......Oh, I hope not! That would crush me. Yeah, I could never....ugh, I can't even imagine. Brain damage would be so...."

I could hear the crack in her voice, and the tears swelling in her eyes.

I'm here! I'm okay!

"It's just me in here now. Her mom and I....well I have to get her, the doctor could be back any minute. Sure, I'll go check."

She was gone soon enough, right when my eyes decided to open. I was in a small hospital room, and the smell of an old retirement home hit me. Sitting up, I found my phone on a nearby chair. Picking it up, I looked through my messages. I had quite a few...but what shocked me was at the top of my recently contacted list was Jefferson. I looked at the messages, the last one was sent by...me?

me: It's Claryn. Wendy's been in an accident. She may never be the same again. If you truly care....if you're still even out there...Come back for her.

He hadn't responded. He didn't even see it.

My head pounded, my eyes pooled with tears and clouded my vision. I took deep breathes, and lay back down in the hospital bed. Why did I ever have my hopes up? I should have known he would be gone.

I heard footsteps again, coming closer this time, and muffled voices.

"Ma'am, we're getting the sense it's Alzheimer's disease,  it may be permanent. If not, she has some other type brain damage-"

"Will she live?"

"Of course..."

My first instinct was to shut my eyes and pretend I was still out, so I did. I lay there, concentrating on my breathing, slowing down, relaxing my face. I was always good at fake sleeping.

But the minute I heard Mom's voice, my eyes opened and I sat up, looking straight into her eyes. She stood with Claryn and some nurse, and I was about to say something when suddenly my eyes blurred out completely. When they cleared up, I saw three women, one was a high school student, at best guess, and the other two at least in their late 30s, standing in the same place as....who had been standing there before?

Where was I?.....I......who was I? Me?

"Gwen?"

"Gwendolyn, how are you fe-"

"Wendy!"

"Excuse me young lady, don't do-please, she-"

I found my body being held tightly by the red-headed high school girl. Why did they all call me different names? Were any of them even mine?

I shoved the girl off of me. I mean, having strangers throw themselves on me wasn't exactly my idea of joy. The second I shoved her off, my hands felt tingly, and developed a purple aura of light, which pulsed as if to say "I can do the unimaginable. Leave before it's too late". The girl was paralyzed for a solid 5 seconds, before collapsing to the ground, not breathing. What did I just do? Has this happened before?

One woman started screaming, the other dropped her clipboard, yelled something urgently into the hallway, and dropped to the floor to assist the teenage girl.

My eyes focused  on my hands. How had I done that? They started to burn and ache, the purple aura fading. "AGH!" three more people ran into the room, all wearing lab coats. The room was a chaotic commotion as they all yelled over one another trying to understand what was going on. I found people's hands touching me all over, trying to accomplish who knows what.

"Stop! Get off! I don't know you-NO!" My hands touched a man's arms, shoving them away. He began screaming as they smoked, and smelled of fire. His eyes turned completely black, and he looked straight at me. "The next one has risen. She must be stopped!" And with those words (which had thrown everyone off), he launched at me.

In a panicked moment, my brain slowed everything, down, taking in the scene before he would hurt me. In a fraction of a second, my hand moved from my lap to a few inches above my head, twirling slightly as I did so, as I screamed something in a language that even I didn't understand. My eyes closed and I heard screaming and wind-like whistling, and felt dizzy.

I opened my eyes to find myself in the driveway of a house, all on my own, in silence. Everyone, whoever they were, had disappeared. Or perhaps, I had disappeared. I took a step forward and felt something brush against my leg. Looking down, I was standing in a dazzling garment, a crinoline gown, its sleeves reaching almost to my elbows.

It was a deep burgundy red that glittered all over in the moonlight, with chiffon white swirling lines along the bottom of the gown and may waist that looked much like frost. I walked up the driveway of the house to look in the window, where I saw my reflection. My hair was perfect curled and half up, and the hair that remained loose reached down to the middle part of my back. I had the most gorgeous face, makeup perfectly done...I had to be sixteen, possibly seventeen. I looked like I could be attending a wedding almost, or some medieval ceremony.

But I looked....dark. My hair was dark, along with my eyes, masked with perfect eyeliner. The shade of red on my lips matched my dress, as well as the heels under it. Rings and earrings topped of the tips, and with a finished, a charming diamond necklace draped across my chest to compliment the off-shoulder neckline of the satin gown. I think it was the first time in my life I ever felt beautiful....if I could remember my life anyway.

Despite my looks, I felt angry. Something inside me was raging, worse than a fire. Worse than a storm. It was power, coursing through me, into my eyes and fingertips. Without thinking, my hands thrust out towards the windows, and immediately they seemed to shine with the brightest light possible before shattering. Within the flash of light, I gasped for air, and every memory from the passed 20 minutes was gone. I felt lighter, like I had been wearing a ten pound skirt just seconds ago. Now, my hair was in a messy bun, and I sat on a porch in jeans and a t-shirt.

A shattered window sparkled in the moonlight. I recognized that window. Why was I at his house?

"Jefferson?" I screamed.

Silence.

I.....had been in a car crash. Then, in a hospital. But how did I get here? I checked my pockets. No phone. I looked around. No car. just a shattered window. Where was Claryn? And my mom?

I climbed through Jefferson's window and looked around the house. I hadn't been here for months. Overwhelming tears threatened to dance down my cheeks, and I let them. walking into his kitchen, it was a mess. His mom never came back home when she went looking for him, and she never cleaned the mess, which wasn't like that clean freak. I laughed at the thought of her always frantically cleaning.

The lights still worked, and I made my way up the stairs, absentmindedly drifting into the room where I last saw him. I sat on his bed. His phone was on his pillow. He didn't even have it? I picked it up, unlocked it, and went though his pictures. There we were, smiling at a starbucks. There was his dog, licking my face. There was Sebastian, glancing at Claryn, who stood next to me. How did she not know? I laughed, remembering my vow to Sebastian  to never say a word. I didn't, ever. Would she ever figure it out?

I found my fingers swiping through his apps, and tapping on his music. There was the last song he ever listened to. I re-winded, listening to Coldplay's sad song, Fix You.

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face

When you lose something you can't replace

When you love someone but it goes to waste

Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you

I knew he was thinking of me when he heard this song. He'd always been protective of me. He was protective of every woman, really, me, Claryn, his mom...

Mom!

Scrolling through his contacts, I found "Mrs. James" and called her. I waited for what seemed like hours. She finally answered.

"....Jefferson?" "No, mom, it's me. I-" "Gwen! You're alive! Where are you? How did you get Jefferson's phone?" "Mom, I'm ok." "What was that all about, HOW DID YOU-WHERE ARE YOU?" "Mom, I swear I don't know, okay? Just-" "Get over here, NOW! We're still at the hospital." "I can't, I have no car. I'm at the Sochetes' house. Please come get me."

"Why don't you just POOF here like you did a minute ago? HOW did you even-"

Mom started throwing swear words everywhere, demanding how I disappeared.  What was she talking about?

"What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"DON'T PLAY STUPID-oh.....honey?"

Suddenly, her voice was dripping with sorrow. "Do you....remember my name? What is your address? How old are you?" "What is wrong with you! Mom, you're acting weird...just, please come get me." "Honey, the Sochetes live almost an hour away, I'll try to come quickly though." "Okay. I'll....I'll be waiting." I hung up. I turned Fix You on again, and lay down on Jefferson's bed. I cried, wishing he was here to hold me. How could he not show up? One day he was here, the next day he'd gone missing. And look, Now I'd gone missing too. Slowly my eyelids grew heavy, and were closed. With strange thoughts and dreams of shattered glass and beautiful ballgowns, I slept while time slipped through my insane new kind of reality.

Back to you, shuckface. (yes, readers...I did just make a Maze Runner reference)
-Maddie

Chapter Three: Anxiety

Sebass666: do you have the math notes?

FoundingFather: dude, you know i suck @ math

Sebass666: ik but I wasn't paying attention and I NEED THE NOTES, J

FoundingFather: chill, dude. why dont you just ask Claryn? 

Sebass666: I told you she likes Dracen. 

FoundingFather: Ya, so? You could still ask her for the notes.

Sebass666: I hate you

FoundingFather: Oh no, what will I ever do with myself? Someone hates me. *sarcasm increases*

FoundingFather: Hold on, I think I hear a knock at the door. BRB

Founding Father: ASK CLARYN 

FoundingFather was last online at 6:33pm Tuesday


The computer screen lit up with blue light in the darkness of my room in the morning. Me and J had opposite problems: He couldn't ever go to sleep before 11 and I could never wake up after 5. I'm a morning bird- not that I'm super cheery and annoying or anything- but my brain just functions easier in the morning.
I could hear my little sister, Chelsea, snoring in the room beside me, past these paper thin walls. I looked back at the computer screen- Jefferson still hadn't answered.
I had broken my phone again  a couple of weeks ago, so we had resorted to chatting on Google Hangouts. Jefferson was usually pretty good with answering- unlike me, who would go days without saying anything to him- but he still hadn't responded. And no one has seen him since that day. He wasn't at school, wasn't at the park, wasn't in the hospital. No one, including his girlfriend, Gwen, had seen any sign of him since the day after Christmas. He had just- disappeared.
It was now almost March, and the snow was starting to melt. Our winters were cold, but short. The police had dismissed J as a runaway teen, seeing his record of dramatic gestures, and because there was no evidence of kidnapping or death. But I knew better. J was dramatic, sure, but he was a romantic- he wasn't depressed. He wouldn't have just left.
Now our last conversation lived in the first tab of my computer. I constantly checked to see if he had answered yet. He hadn't.
I sighed and opened the blinds. The sun was rising- dull, faded shades of light pink and yellow just barely touching the horizon. I turned to my closet, pulling on a t-shirt, hoodie, and jeans without much thought, not bothering to put away my pajama pants. I walked downstairs, slowly, to start making breakfast.
I carelessly started cooking eggs, going about my morning routine in an absentminded habitual manner, the way I had every day since J left. I left a plate of eggs on the table for Chelsea, ate mine without tasting them, and walked outside.
The cold air hit me instantly, and I instantly regretted not getting a beanie or scarf, but it was too late to go back now. I started walking, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, trying to ignore the cold wind that bit my nose and the back of my neck, trying to ignore the lack of footsteps behind me, the lack of laughter that usually followed me wherever I went, the lack of breath next to me.
Trying to ignore the lack of Jefferson.
I made my way past the library where he worked, past the park where we used to play basketball, past his favorite ice cream parlor.  One foot in front of the other, I made my way past his shadows. And one foot in front of the other, I made my way into the school where I was doomed to spend my last four months of senior year sitting in a building that reeked of the lack of Jefferson. I sat down, against the brick wall, next to the front enterance, doors that wouldn't open for another 13 minutes and 27 seconds.
One by one the other students arrived, joining me by the entrance, some standing, some sitting, some talking, some on their phones, and a few frantically trying to finish their homework. None of them were Jefferson.
The bell rang and I stood, ignoring the anxious chatter of the other students, pushing my way past the others, walking straight to homeroom. I averted  my eyes from the place where his poster was- student of the month of November. I turned to look at the announcements on the bulletin board, noticing his signature- School Vice President- was absent from the monthly newsletter. I turned past it, walking, one foot in front of the other, to homeroom.
I sat there, not moving, not listening to Mr. Kimball droning on for half an hour. Then I walked past the empty desk in the front of the room and out into the hall when the bell rang.
I was going to Pre-Calc, mostly keeping to myself, looking at the ground, moving one foot in front of the other, when a familiar voice made me look up.
It was Claryn- her bright copper hair standing out in the sea of brown. She was laughing with Gwen, walking to their biology class. I was suddenly very aware of my heartbeat, but I ignored it and kept walking. She likes Dracen, I reminded myself sternly, leaving her behind and ducking into my math class.
I shuffled through the rest of my day, managing somehow to get through the day without having another breakdown. The bell rang and I grabbed my backpack, running out of school, running away from the ghosts that haunted me. I started on my route home, digging into my pockets of my backpack and pulling out a tangled set of earbuds and my new phone. I plugged the earbuds in, only untangling them enough that they could reach to my ears, and I tucked my phone into my hoodie pocket. I had put the music on shuffle, but the song- Paralyzed, by NF- seemed strangely appropriate.
When did I become so numb?
When did I lose myself?
All the words that leave my tongue
Feel like they came from someone else
I'm paralyzed
Where are my feelings?
I no longer feel things
I know I should
I'm paralyzed
Where is the real me?
I’m lost and it kills me inside
I'm paralyzed
When did I become so cold?
When did I become ashamed? 
Where's the person that I know?
They must have left
They must have left
With all my faith

A loud screech of brakes cut through the song, and I looked up in time to see two cars collide. Time seemed to slow down, as one car smashed into the side of the other, and someone was screaming, and I couldn't breathe, I couldn't make any noise, I couldn't move, and OH MY GOSH SOMEONE COULD BE DYING, so I run through the now empty street to the first car and see that the person in the passenger seat is Gwen, head leaning againt the air bag, blood coming out of her mouth and her forehead, and the air was sucked from me again, but I managed to get my phone out and I dialed 911.
"There's been an accident- and I don't know what to do- shelooksreallybadandidontknowwhattodoandihaventevenseentheothercaryetandshesbleedingand Oh my gosh." The lady on the other side was trying to calm me down, and I manged to pick out one phrase- "WHERE ARE YOU?" and it rang through my head and I sat down with my head in my hands, trying to breathe again.
Come on, Sebastian. Breathe. You are fine. You are NOT having a panic attack. Breathe.
I looked up and saw the street signs- Alexander and Oak- and I relayed the directions to the woman on the phone, and I heard her thank me and I hung up.
I couldn't force myself to look at Gwen, so I tried to focus on breathing. Why isn't he here? He would know what to do. He wouldn't be having an anxiety attack.
The police cars came first, and I answered their questions, and they thanked me, and I felt myself nod, but it didn't feel like me. It was like an out of body experience- everything seemed so fast, but not fast enough. The paramedics took Gwen's body into the ambulance- her blonde hair covered her face, and for a second I forgot she might be dying. They drove away, and I pulled out my phone again, and I called the last person I wanted to call, and I was thinking as the phone rang, this is not what Jefferson meant. 
"Hello?" her voice was innocent and cheery- how could it not be? She didn't know what was happening, and I hated myself for doing this to her, I hated myself for having to tell her, but I did it anyway-
"Claryn? This is Sebastian. Gwen- Wendy- whatever- she's been in an accident. She's in the hospital right now." I forced in a shaky breath, trying to calm my voice, trying to remain calm for her. "I wasn't sure what to do, and I thought you would probably know who to contact and stuff, seeing as you are her best friend and whatnot, so-"
"Wait, who is this?" My heart fell through my chest. She didn't even know my name.
"Sebastian." I said. "I am- was- Jefferson's best friend. I watched it happen."
Silence.
"Ok, Thank you."
She hung up, and I lowered the phone.
Then I started walking away, one foot in front of the other.
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Squichy Mushins- Thanks for reading
Maddie- The ball is in your court.

Chapter Two: Simply Complicated

It happened again. When I woke, I was gasping for air, and immediately my eyes teared up. I felt so dizzy, so heartbroken...this was supposed to be over! Jefferson wasn't here, and would never be again, so why did I keep hoping? But now the melody was in my head, carrying my thoughts back to that night. I could still feel his arms around me, twirling me. Oh miss believer...His soft voice sang our song softly. 
Our song
. 
Before I knew it, a tear had found its way down my cheek and under my chin. I quickly wiped it away with the back of my hand. I still hadn't moved on. Grabbing my keys, I threw a hoodie over my pajama shirt, and put on some pants. I moved into the bathroom and got out my makeup. I was about to start putting it on when I looked at my reflection, and I couldn't help but freeze for a moment and stare. My acne had cleared a little this week, but my hair was as dead as ever. I never did understand why Jefferson had cared so much about me, after all, I never did. There wasn't a single thing about me that I liked, yet he always said I was a work of perfection. 

I shook my head a bit, and put my makeup on. 10 minutes later I was out the door, sitting in my car. I turned on my favorite album CD, and sang along to the song as I drove. Tomorrow I must grow up it's my last night...left turn... right turn...wish upon the light...another left turn...second from the right...onto the freeway...twinkle down to me, I believe in the lullaby, if only I could fly, I'd go where a child stays alive...

I pulled into the parking lot and turned off the engine. Walking through the cars, I spotted a dark blue Honda Civic, a girl sitting in the drivers seat, reading a book. I admired her red hair, but I couldn't help but smirk at it; it was poorly groomed. She had nothing but mascara on for makeup, and she wore a T-shirt. She was so into her book she didn't even see me walk up to her car. I took a crumpled piece of paper out of my pocket and chucked it at her window. She jolted at the sound, frantically looking around. I chuckled.

"Wendy! a simple knock would've worked," she said annoyed. It annoyed me a bit that she called me that, I usually went by Gwen. And only my mother called me Gwendolyn. But Wendy? Well, for some reason it kinda seemed...or maybe even felt right for her to call me that. She set the book down and grabbed her backpack from the passengers seat, and stepped out of her car. Despite her sloppy appearance, she always somehow managed to look like the most gorgeous girl on the planet. "We've got to get moving, school started, like, thirty minutes ago." I said.

"Like that'll get me to go into that horrid building."

"Well, if we go now, we'll make it to Biology...and Dracen will be there. So we're off. Come on!" I turned around and took a couple steps, but there was no noise behind me. When I turned back around, she sat there, arms folded, gazing at the street, cars racing back and forth with speed.
"Claryn...?"

"Sorry!" She snapped out of her gaze and her wide blue eyes and gave a shy smile. She ran towards me, and when she caught up, we walked into the school.

"psssst. Claryn, Dracen's looking at you!" Amanda whispered. Claryn's eyes darted towards him, only to be disappointed and find him staring at his phone. He glanced up and saw her staring, and awkwardly raised his eyebrows in confusion. She blushed furiously and glared at Amanda who snickered. "No he wasn't you jerk!" she whispered back. "Girls," said Mr. Lenau. Amanda batted her eyes, faking innocence. "Claryn, don't distract your classmates please." She moaned, rubbing her thumb on her eraser. I rolled my eyes. I got out a piece of paper and ripped off the corner, and pulled out a pen.

Forget her. I rolled it up, set it on my desk, and flicked it at Claryn. She let go of her eraser and held the tiny paper ball. unwrapping it, she read it, and snorted. grabbing a pencil she wrote something on it and threw it back. She's the least of my problems, I read. I wrote back. 

spill. 
Wendy, I think you'd rather hear it later.
we've only been in class for 15 minutes, I'm going to die of boredom. Just tell me.
No.
Tell. Me.
...I'm leaving.
Don't you dare leave me in this class alone. I need you here.
No, Wendy. Not class. My parents made the decision a while ago and told me last night
Wait....LEAVING?
I'm moving to flippin Wisconsin. 

I couldn't even write back. I stuffed the paper in my pocket and put my head down, my eyes peeking over the top of my arms. This couldn't be happening. "...and don't forget, this will all be on the osmosis test tomorrow. I hope you've taken notes," Mr. Lenau said, eyeing me. The bell rang and immediately the class jumped out of their seats, grabbing their things and shoving each other out the door. "If Laney, Gwen, Tristan, and Jake could stay after for a moment, please!" Mr. Lenau shouted over the noise. My turn to moan. I glanced at Claryn, and she shrugged. stairs she mouthed. I nodded. She left the room and I turned to Mr. Lenau. 

"I'll be speaking with you first I guess. Gwendolyn, you're grades are.....concerning."
"I'm aware," I snapped.
"You're failing the class."
I sighed. what was new? "And...?"
"I want to help you, but there's nothing I can do other than warn you. If you don't fix this, You'll have to re-take the class."
My head was spinning and throbbing. "I can't.....I can't do that."
"I know how you feel, and that's exactly why you need to do something about it, now." He pulled a stack of papers out of his desk, and let it plop into my hands. "This can save you though. Get all this extra work done by next month, and-"
"Plus homework?"
"Plus homework."
My jaw dropped. "In a month? I have other classes! And a life! I can't just do paperwork all the time, I just-"
He sighed. "Do your best, Gwendolyn. We can work it out. For now, get started on these."

I nodded, my heart falling through my stomach. He patted me awkwardly on the back, and I walked out, down the hall, around the corner, and there was Claryn, sitting on the stairs, reading a different book than the one she had been reading in the car this morning. She looked up at me.

"So?"
"Don't want to talk about it."
"Hey, I've told you my problems, so tell me yours."
Oh, right. I had forgotten about her scenario....how could she be leaving me? Why was she leaving so suddenly? "I'm failing class."
"Oh."
Silence. Without a word, we went to lunch, and pushed through the rest of the day.

Claryn left school early because she was sick. Yeah, right. I walked by myself out to my car when school was over, deep in thought. A group of boys whistled at me, and shouted things at me that made me want to hurl, but I tried to ignore them. I got into the car, started the engine. My CD immediately started playing, and resumed the last song i was listening to. When through my window, right out of a fairy tale...takes me and we sail...stardust marks our trail...sprinkle it on me...

What was I going to do about my grades? There was no way I could get it all done. And Claryn! The only person keeping me above my own fears that I drown in....why! I'd never thought this would happen...
The next song came on.
Falling off the planet to another time and place
Wouldn't be so bad if I knew i could see your face
Jefferson. He's gone. forever. I would never see him again. I turned onto the freeway, almost home, thoughts rolling through my head, faster and faster...
Claryn....Biology....mom....Jefferson....it was enough that I started to cry. I couldn't handle it, was simply too much. Simply....complicated. Mom...Claryn...Jeffers-
Lights. screeching , honking. The last thing I heard was a scream, coming from me, and the last thing I saw was a bright light, heading straight towards me.
And then I heard nothing at all.
And all was black, still, silent.....gone.

Your move, Lindie.
-Maddie